I am not complaining about my overall life, I have good parents....well one and a half since my dad was an on and off again jackass when I was younger. Well anyway back to my stupid whiny journal.....this is more meant for release and venting more than anything, but if you actually read this, I thank you. To understand where I am coming from, I was one of many people growing up which was severely bullied and harassed. From the time I was 3 years old, I had been kicked, name called, sexually harassed, beaten, people have stolen my belongings and pissed and shit on them and left them in the toilets, hid my stuff on the roof, smeared dog shit on me, my locker, in my shoes, and even once some gang bangers brought in a bucket of dead roaches and dumped some on me and shoved some into my pants and shirt. When I was in high school I will admit I hit a low point and considered offing myself......but I figured that was the cowards way out. So I toughed it out for my entire childhood. Then after I graduated high school, I finally saw freedom, a chance to escape the torment......I was wrong......I have been trying to find a job since I was 16, I am now in my twenties and still can not find a job. For those who think I am just lazy, I apply to about 6 jobs a day for every weekday. YEARS and I still can not get a job, yet my cousin who was a free loading deadbeat who has no skills or NOTHING got a job after only 3 applications and ONE interview. The worst part was is that we applied at the same time and I was actually qualified and had the skills necessary and even was able to demonstrate them. Even worse, the college I was attending will not authorize my new student loan because I canceled a class in my first semester which I did not even need in the first place so I can not afford to keep going, So I was in the process of transferring to ITT tech since they authorized student aid for me and then later got a letter from the loan service that managed my first student loan and now they are trying to collect on it. I have no job yet and am trying to do so desperately, and I am feeling like a complete piece of dogshit because now I am going to have to get help from either my sister who was able to get a job or borrow from my parents until I am able to repay them. I just feel like my life is a huge joke. No matter how hard I work to get a job, get scholarships, or ANYTHING for that matter, my endeavors always fail and I feel like a failure that has no worth in society. If you read this whole thing I am sorry for all the whining, I just had to let my feelings out before I burst. I know their are those worse off and I pray for them everyday.....its just that I still can not help feeling this way. My apologies.